Like the tide, we swept through the rest of Blackwing Lair. I would not have called our progress swift, but it was implacable.
Over the next two months, we took the bosses down one by one; Vaelastrasz, Broodlord Lashlayer, Firemaw, Ebonroc and Flamegor and Chromaggus. Finally, there was only one left; Nefarian, the leader of the Black Dragonflight.
In many ways, working on Nefarian was one of the most satisfying things we did as an alliance - we methodically honed our strategies on him, practised and practised patiently, knowing that it was only a matter of time until we killed him. I felt that we had matured somewhat as a raid group, since those early days. It was natural, things fell into place.
However, when Nefarian gave his final bellow and crashed down before us, I felt nothing. The rest of the raid group shouted and screamed and congratulations flew thick and fast, just as they'd done for Ragnaros, but I remember merely sitting back in my seat, crossing my arms and forcing out a smile: I knew I should have been ecstatic, but something was missing that was there before.
The stress of constantly being there, constantly leading, constantly sorting out disputes and issues and managing a community which had now grown to over a hundred members was taking it's toll; I knew I was on the way to burning myself out.
As the next raid dungeon was not due to be released for a while, I considered stepping back from running the alliance, to allow myself to recharge. However, I was never good at letting go of things, and after spending so much energy in building the alliance and the community, I wanted to continue leading it, so I did.
However, each raid became more and more like a chore, and so over the next few weeks the fun slowly bled from the game. I would log on and just sit in Ironforge, the hub city and chat with whoever was on. I would regularly decline party invites from most of the alliance members, unless they were from a select group of the close friends I had made within the officers and senior members of the alliance.
It was not the way I wanted to be playing the game. However, I carried on anyway.
My enthusiasm was somewhat revitalised when the next dungeon was released - Ahn'Qiraj. T3M attacked the dungeon with the usual fervor and excitement, but I could not suppress the feeling that I had done all of this before. Whereas before, when raids went well I felt always a sense of satisfaction, now I only felt that this was the way things were supposed to be, and whenever raids went badly, the frustration only piled higher and higher and made me lose the will to play.
The administration side of things was also grinding my nerves; there were some problems, of course, with more raiders than raid spots some people did not get invited as much, and there were also problems with the DKP system. By this point though, I was tired to the point where I didn't react or give as much thought to these problems as I should have, leading to them remaining unsolved for some time.
Finally, the politics. In February 2006, SWE and Blue Moon had chosen to merge as a guild, and it was the perfect chance for the alliance of three guilds to become as one, thereby unifying T3M and the guild codes of conduct, and also silencing the cries of guild favouritism that had been popping up as of late. However, the idea was opposed vociferously by Chaspal, the guild master of the Revenants. In the end, the motion to pass was not voted through.
As the alliance delved deeper into Ahn'Qiraj, it seemed that the alliance was becoming ever more fractious, and I had to spend more time dealing with trifling issues than actually raiding. In short, what fun that was left in the game was quickly stamped out, as I became what seemed to me a human resources manager, bending and balancing to keep everyone happy.
Of course, this was an impossible task.
Finally, with a family holiday abroad impending, I took the decision to step back from leading. I realised that jaded as I was, I would not be doing the alliance any favours if I continued to lead them. Chaspal and Death, as well as a rogue by the name of Aldassia took up where I left off. However, things did not improve. Chaspal and Death were respectively the GM's of Revenants and Resurrectable, the two guilds left in the alliance after Blue Moon and SWE merged, and when they did the invites there were inevitable shouts of favouritism, which, being privy as I was to the officer chat channels have to say was not unfounded. However, the officers had to put a unified face to the alliance, and so I breathed no word of it hoping that Death and Chaspal would sort out the rift between them.
Aldassia had an altogether different leading style which I didn't agree with. She was hungry for success, and perhaps not as patient, and so often where I would have used the carrot, she would instead choose the whip.
Still, I was still tired by my stint at the helm of the alliance, and chose to just play my part as a healer and not get too involved publically, although behind closed doors, I gave my opinions openly.
Then, I went on holiday. A month in China. The first week was exceedingly weird, without access to the game. I somehow itched to play, not through want but through habit, and checked the forums as often as I could. However, as the holiday took my away from the game, so too did the tedium and stress that came with leading the alliance. I realised that I did not miss it, and that I had changed as a person, and the rewards I was getting out of the game was not worth the effort I was putting in.
When the holiday finished, I returned to the game. It felt different to before. The addiction was broken, the magic faded. I led a few raids when I came back, but not eagerly.
Over the next few months, I began to play less and less, and finally in December 2006 my subscription ran out and I did not renew. I still cared about the alliance, to be true, and wished with all my heart for their success, but knew I could no longer be the one to lead them to it. I was completely and utterly burnt out.
I never made a goodbye post on the forums though; it didn't feel like I was saying goodbye. I was still talking regularly to the friends I had made even though we weren't playing the same game anymore. The friendships had transcended that virtual world.
Over the years, I have re-subscribed quite a few times, to see how Blizzard had changed the world, to play new areas and to catch up with acquaintances long lost. However, the magic had well and truly departed and my visits to Azeroth were always brief.
In writing this series of Memoires, I had initially intended it to be a gateway series of tales that would explain to non-gamers the world of MMORPGs, it became more of a recounting of my own adventures, and finally now, I realise, the only fitting way to write a goodbye to a game which consumed me for close to 2 years of my life and funnily enough, four years after I really "quit", a way to provide the final closure.
There are plenty of people I want to pay tribute to; people who I laughed with, people who have proved themselves to be good friends and people who provided me with inspiration and support. The list would be long, and untimely, coming now over four years after when it was really due, so I won't write it. But if you're one of those people and happen to read this; you know who you are, thank you.
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